My Steps are Ordered
a mini-memoir of faith & purpose
A familiar voice cooed to me. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your path,” it whispered. The voice immediately repeated itself. This time, its tone was stronger than the last, and its volume was two notches louder. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your path.”
At this point, I realized that the voice I was hearing was my own. I was waking up from my nightly slumber. I transitioned from a nonrapid eye movement (NREM) sleep stage to full awareness. My eyes were still closed from the night before, but my consciousness awakened to the new day. The morning light kissed my eyelids, nudging me to greet it. I did not heed its advances — at least not immediately. With my eyes still closed, I echoed the utterance for a third time. My inner voice is stern and intentional. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your path.”
There is a reason why I woke up repeating Proverbs 3:5-6. Instinctively, I knew the reason. Leading up to the new year, many feel a self-imposed pressure to direct the fate of the next twelve months. And I fell victim to this pressure. This yearly ritual requires me to write down all the goals I’d like to achieve in all areas of my life. I’m not alone in this. Around this time of year, many others also carve out time to visualize and scribe their ambitions for the next 365 days. Some people write out their goals as a bulleted list on the pages of a notebook—each bullet point serves as a marker to sprint towards. Others prefer a more festive and social environment to plan their year—they host gatherings affectionally named “New Year Vision Board Party.” In these get-togethers, attendees cut out pictures and words from magazines. They then artistically design a collage using the clippings. The end result is a physical illustration of the dreams that reside in their mind’s eye. Then, there is a third group of people whose goals do not touch paper. They jot their goals down on the notepad of their minds—the mental note is the race track, and the originator of the thought is the runner.
I fall into the first group. My efforts are typically accompanied by a quiet atmosphere, my journal, a pen, a candle, a mug of hot tea and my thoughts. In the days leading up to the insightful morning, my mind wrestled with a question, “What goals should I pursue this year?” It may seem like a simple question with a simple answer, but I approached it with great care. I did not want to repeat the missteps of the past. What missteps, you ask? Years ago, I deceived myself into believing other people’s desires were my own. The goals declared themselves in my voice, but the dream belonged to another. I was somehow convinced that the status quo within my immediate social sphere suited me. This caused me to use their standards as a destination marker to navigate my desires.
I finally received the answer to my question. The directive is clear. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your path.” My soul knew it was the right time for me to receive its wisdom, and it adamantly delivered it to me. It refused to rehearse its whispers in the shadow of my vivid and boisterous dreams. It needed to take centerstage. It repeated itself as many times as necessary to grab the attention of my consciousness. Then, it inscribed the words on the tablet of my heart.
God created me, and he knows me better than I know myself. If I lean on him, he will show me the way. The ambit of my finite human understanding of the world does not measure up to his knowledge and wisdom. God will give me my goals for the year. He will show me all the extraordinary heights that we will reach together.
My steps are ordered. I now know how I must proceed.
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