Better is the End of A Thing Than its Beginning
a mini-memoir of hope
I paced back and forth with my journal in hand. On the open pages were the thoughts that ping-ponged in my brain for a week. Finally, they made it out of the confines of my mind and onto paper. I paced my bedroom. Then, I sat at the edge of my bed. A few seconds later, I got up and paced again. The words stared at me, and I gazed back. We both refused to break eye contact. I was having a showdown with the advantages and disadvantages of ending a business contract that I regarded dearly.
Should I stay? Continuing the business relationship meant lending my skills and time to a field I am passionate about. On the other side of the same coin, it also meant that I would have to shrink myself to fit into someone else’s box. It would require me to compromise and operate several levels below my years of experience.
Should I leave? After all, every ending promises a new beginning. Ending the project would bring forth liberty. I would be releasing a false security from my tight grasp—a paid opportunity. However, time would be redeemed to complete the projects that align with my calling. These projects await me, impatiently tapping their wrist as if to say, “Time is of the essence, Aisha. Make haste.” I would be making room to create from a place of overflow instead of reserves.
Deep in my heart, I knew it was time to close that door. The end of this thing was on the horizon. With this conviction, no just reason could convince me to stay. But for good measure, I wanted an outside perspective. So, further delaying my inevitable “goodbye,” I phoned a friend. “It sounds like you know exactly what you need to do. As always, pray on it before moving forward,” she said. In her wisdom, she redirected me right back to my intuition, to the truth that my soul had already revealed to me—It’s time to end the contract. So, I mustered up the courage and said “goodbye” to the thing that I once held in high regard.
I’ve always been in tune with knowing when something has run its course—a job, relationship, friendship, a season, my favorite mug with the chipped rim, a common cold, a party that drags on for hours without any regard for my sleep schedule—you get the picture. I am the queen of being resolute in ending what needs to be. Yet, despite all my practice with saying “goodbyes,” a sense of hesitation still lingered. Not hesitation out of fear, but more of a pressing desire to zoom over the hump of the uncomfortable conversation that needed to be had. I experienced this feeling twice. The first wave came when I had made up my mind to move on. The second wave occurred just before the words were spoken aloud, and I could not retract them.
The emotion that I felt was caused by a mix of thoughts. My decision would not only impact me but also disappoint the other party. Being the one to end a relationship of any kind is not fun. Not knowing what’s next and what the path will look like also influenced my emotions. But more potent than resistance is hope—a beaming light piercing through the forest trees. Hope conquers all uncertainty—hope for the future and its many possibilities that await.
After I officially said my “goodbye.” Joy took control of my face. My cheeks pushed my eyes to a near close as I smiled. Since this was not my first rodeo, I was elated and expectant of what would come. Experience has taught me when one door closes, a new and better one opens. And boy, did it happen swiftly! The door of the business contract shut, and minutes later, several new doors flung open.
My creativity rushed like a river that broke through the dam of stagnation. My love for writing and creating in a multitude of art forms rebooted. Later that week, old partnerships were renewed, and new ones formed. New friendships and connections emerged. My purpose was reaffirmed, and I could finally clearly see the vision for my business. Ideas and new strategies abounded. Peace overflowed my heart and mind. I had cleared out the old, allowing the new to come in.
I liken endings and beginnings to the pachira aquatica (money tree) perched on my book stand. Its stunted growth signaled it needed a bigger pot to stretch and grow. Once I obliged, a newly sprouted shoot greeted me in the morning every few days. Endings and beginnings are also like a restaurant at maximum occupancy. The doorman won’t let you inside until a patron leaves the building, making space for you to enter. The patron exits, and you are ushered in—finally in the place you have patiently waited for.
“Better is the end of a thing than its beginning; The patient in spirit are better than the proud in spirit.” – Ecclesiastes 7:8 (NRSVUE).
As Ecclesiastes 7:8 suggests, endings are to be celebrated. What has ended is nothing compared to what is coming in. What once was has prepared you for what will be.
What has your experience with endings been? Have you found it exciting or unpleasant? What new perspective will you have in your next “goodbye”? Comment below. I’d love to hear from you.
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